he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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