Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
