I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
