Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
