Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
