Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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