she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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