It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
