love makes seman taste better
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
