Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
