Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
