my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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