alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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