Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ok first of all what the fuck
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