yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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