my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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