Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
