Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
