Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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