No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
