By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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