Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am midnight drunk by noon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
