As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will be naked everywhere
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
