how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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