arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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