I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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