So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
