I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
