nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
