i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Two words: blizzard sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
