You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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