I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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