My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
