I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
