will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's blow job season.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
