But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
