There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
