Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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