my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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