Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
