Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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