she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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