so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
