I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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