I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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