I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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