I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
