Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
