The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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