I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
