hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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