A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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