you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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