is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
