Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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