the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
