i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
