We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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