By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
