He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
