Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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