Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
