My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
