Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The air was thick with penises
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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