The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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