Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
