Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
