I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
