are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
