drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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