this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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