I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
