It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
