I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
