I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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