at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
