I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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