What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
