she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
