where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize