I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
