K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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