I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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